Tag Archive | Proverbs 31

Anabelle’s Story: No Respect for Him

Nov20

Reverence Her Husband“Just one verse, God, just one. That’s all I need.”

Here I was, weeping, alternately pacing the aisles and lying on the altar, all alone in the church after everyone else had gone home. I begged God to show me just one verse in His Word that I could use to justify leaving my husband. I was done.

How had we come to this?

I hadn’t always felt this way. I met my husband when I was fourteen years old, and I knew when I saw him I would marry him. We married once I graduated high school and began life together with a baby and a move to another state, away from all I had ever known. He found it hard to keep a job, and something happened that I didn’t expect. I began to not like this man very much.

I disliked his job-hopping. I disliked that fact that he had made us move away. I disliked his spending. I disliked how he spoke to our daughter.

This marriage business was hard. Why couldn’t he just stand up and be a man and take care of us like he was supposed to?

After several years, we moved back home, and my mother began to invite me to a church she was attending. At first, I dismissed her. After weeks of asking, though, I finally gave in and found myself in a little church. Something was different here. These people actually tried to live what they heard on Sundays. They talked about their failures, and there was no shame, only forgiveness. No grudges, only reconciliation. To an unsaved young woman, educated and bitter, this all seemed too weird.

For two years, I attended ladies’ classes and ladies’ retreats, sat in on prayer meetings, and learned to trust the elder women in this church. Through their example, God turned my heart to Him and I was wonderfully saved. One area still bothered me though. The women talked of how they loved their husbands, what great men they were, how thankful they were for them. Each comment made me ache. How could they have such perfect marriages and mine be such a disaster?

And then the darkness came. My husband had suffered a debilitating injury and was required to have a dangerous surgery. The risks were high, the doctors said, and recovery would take months. Even if the surgery were a success, there could be side effects that would affect my husband permanently.

The doctors were right.

Then only three months after his surgery, Hurricane Katrina came. Our home flooded, and there was no money to repair it. My husband fell into depression and stayed on the computer constantly. I would get up in the morning and see him in front of the screen; come home from work, there he was; and go to bed, with him never coming out of the office. There was no intimacy between us, either emotional or physical. We were roommates, not husband and wife.

I was so lonely, and it wasn’t long before the tempter began to whisper, “He shouldn’t treat you like this. He’s so selfish. Doesn’t he know that you need him? Doesn’t he know that you need to feel loved and wanted?”

And it wasn’t long after that that the tempter came in the form of a man, a man who smiled at me and told me I was beautiful and how much better he would treat me if he had me.

It was only by the grace of God that I didn’t fall completely. It was my Father Who protected me, not my vows or my fear of what others would say if they found out. I was long past caring about any of that. I was wrapped up in my own longings and disillusionment.

And now here I was, depressed, broken, alone at the altar in that little church. I picked up my Bible, barely able to see through my tears. I opened it up randomly and began flipping the pages, going to the places that I knew taught on divorce, hoping I would find a verse that would justify my leaving. The first place I found myself was Matthew 5—divorce allowed only in the case of fornication (v.32). He hadn’t cheated on me, so that was out.

Matthew 19—“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (v. 6)

Next, I Peter 3: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;” (v. 1)

WHAT??!! I’m supposed to love and submit to my husband even if he’s not saved?? God, I know You know how this man is, and this can’t apply to me. I’ll try again.

And then, I Corinthians 7.

“And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband…” (v. 10)

Not exactly what I was looking for, but I read on anyway. Perhaps there were exceptions.

“And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.”(v. 13)

My tears were beginning to dry, not because I found peace, but because I was angry. Why can’t I leave him? Does God expect me to live in this despair, this heartache forever? I slammed the Bible shut, then re-opened it.

Proverbs 31—“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (v. 11-12)

I was struck by these words. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life…”

The Holy Spirit brought to my mind the times I had screamed at him like a banshee to “be a man!” The times I had loudly disrespected him in Wal-Mart when he wanted to buy something unnecessary. The times I had complained about him to my mother, my sister, my best friend, to anyone who would listen. The times I refused his attention, choosing instead to work because “it was what I had to do.”

I was so ashamed, and I am ashamed again as I write this. He had just had to walk through the darkest months of his life, and while I had done what was necessary to help him physically, I had abandoned him emotionally. I had committed adultery in my heart and justified it. I, his wife, the one he had chosen to walk through life with, had already left him.

So now I had a decision to make. Would I obey the words that my Father had so gently, but firmly, brought to my attention? Or would I forever damage my daughter and my testimony for my selfishness?

I am glad to say that my Lord gave me the courage to walk in His truth. This was not an overnight change in my heart, but a day-to-day commitment that I would be a daughter my Father would be proud of. I resolved that I would no longer speak negatively about my husband to anyone. When discussions began to turn ugly, I would close my mouth and refuse to rise to the bait. I would make myself available to help him and listen to him and love him.

Over time, I saw my Lord bless His Word. My husband was saved, and our marriage was renewed gloriously. The defining point in our renewal was the night God pressed upon my heart to tell my husband about the other man. Oh, how worried and afraid I was! But I knew that in order for us to truly be one, there could be no more secrets.

What happened that night cemented my love for my husband and for my Jesus. I saw my husband’s heart break as I told him of my betrayal, and I saw the battle he fought within his mind. Then, I heard the sweetest words I’ve ever heard: “I already knew. I love you, and I always will. I forgive you.” And he really did. He never brought the subject up again, and his actions toward me afterward never held any bitterness.

I cannot express to you what the Lord worked in my heart that night, but what I do know is that the man I was so determined to leave became the man who showed me the love of Jesus like I had never known. The Lord has shaped my husband into a leader, an innovator, a man with talent, compassion, strength, and grace, and I have seen through him the clearest picture of Christ’s forgiveness and love.

Just one verse.  That’s all I thought I needed.  But God had given me so much more.  He gave me truth.  He gave me love.  And by His grace and mercy alone, He gave me a true marriage.

Judith’s Story: A Woman of Strength and Honor

Nov18
Image created with Pho.to.Lab app

Image created with Pho.to Lab app

Quite to my surprise, I was asked to give a testimony of a virtuous woman. First, I would like to say how very unqualified I feel to be called upon to undertake such a venture.  I am convinced that a true virtuous woman would never stand to sing her own praises.  A true virtuous woman knows well the struggles of this life as she attempts to walk in righteousness, and because she knows how often she falls so desperately short, she could never claim such a title for herself.  No, this would be something that I would be unable to do.

Then, can you imagine my surprise when my husband leaned over in a church service where the focus was on this type of woman and said:  You are exactly that kind of woman.  I, then, understood something more of this virtuous woman. Indeed, she didn’t make that claim for herself.  Proverbs 31:28 says that her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

So it matters not what I may say about myself.  The real question is what does my husband say?  And, what do my grown children say?  I suppose the realization of the qualities that this woman possesses comes more in looking back in reflection over time, rather than at one specific moment in time.  It is the consistency, the steadfastness, and the faithfulness that has been repeatedly seen through the years more than what someone sees just today, that causes one to stand and praise his wife or mother as a virtuous woman.  So, where does it all begin – being a virtuous woman?

The beginning place is always with God.  And this, too, was the beginning place with me.  I had to realize Who He is – the Almighty God, Creator of all things, holy and righteous beyond our understanding, but so loving and merciful that He would come to this earth, be born into the body of a human being, willingly suffer and die, taking the sins of humanity – including mine – in His own body to save fallen man and reconcile them to Holy God.  What a God!

With this personal understanding of God, an additional thing took place in my life.  Perhaps it can best be explained by a verse found in 2 Corinthians 8:5.  There we find a phrase that says that they first gave their own selves to The Lord and to us by the will of God.  My life had been given to The Lord.  I no longer belonged to myself; I now belonged to the living God.  My life was no longer my own; it now belonged to The Lord Jesus Christ.  But the verse continues to say that they gave themselves to us by the will of God.  And that is where the focus of my life changed.  My life was the Lord’s and was to be spent for others.  The others that surrounded my life, first and foremost, were my family.  The Lord, by His grace, began to show me, step by step, and day by day,ways that I could serve them – ways that I could encourage them – ways that I could comfort them.

But in the day to day experiences of life, I found that I would tire as I served The Lord by serving others.  However, because I had given my life to The Lord, I now found that my strength came from Him – a strength far surpassing anything that I had known.  Scripture says that the virtuous woman is a strong woman.  She girds her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.  And strength and honor are her clothing.  It was to The Lord that I would continually turn to find this ever-present help and strength from day to day.  I knew that The Lord was my strength, and I could make no claim of possessing it myself.

The Lord also gave me great contentment in being a wife and mother, laboring in unseen ways. He taught me that a virtuous woman does not seek recognition of her own.  She seeks to honor her husband and delights in him being known in the gates. I knew, in my heart, that was what my life was to be about – exalting my husband – serving him and my children.  How did I maintain this attitude?  Once again, it is The Lord.  He has taught me that His ways are right and good; I must deny myself, and I must not strive for my own ways.  He faithfully reminds me that my life is not about myself.  It is about Him – it is about His righteousness – it is about His holiness – it is about His glory.  I would slowly get a glimpse of this truth – that I must, above all else, reverence Him and His Word.  I must seek to do those things which were pleasing to Him.

Living just one day at a time, serving The Lord and serving those around me turned into weeks, months, and years of serving The Lord.  Then, amazingly, those years turned into a lifetime of serving Him.  Please don’t think for a moment that these things were easy.  How many times I struggled with myself.  How many times I failed miserably in that which The Lord had called me to do.  It seems, however, as The Lord forgives all of those failures, He also erases them from the minds of our husbands and children.  We may remember them regretfully, but are humbled and amazed as we hear our children rise up and call us blessed and our husbands praise us.

And lest you think I could never become a virtuous woman I would like to encourage you.  It comes little by little, day by day, so often in the simple ways.  It occurs when you do your husband good day after day.  It occurs when you take time to listen to your children.  It occurs when you care for them day after day, when no one stops to thank you.  It occurs when you cook, clean, and do laundry for your family, repeating the same tasks time and again. It occurs when you continue working at these things when you would rather quit and take a nap.  It occurs when you reach out to help others that you see in need. It occurs when you speak truth to those around you because you truly care.  It occurs when you look well into the ways of your household, refusing to neglect your calling.  And it occurs when you do these things day after day, year after year, because these things please your Lord.

Who can find a virtuous woman? Give your life first to The Lord, and then to those around you.  You may find, in time to come, that this virtuous woman is you!

Strength and honor are her clothing

And she shall rejoice in time to come.

Proverbs 31:25

Mountains of Laundry, Thousands of Meals

Nov16

Mountains of Laundry

I stood at the washer transferring the same damp clothes to the dryer as I had done last week.  I loaded another load of clothes into the washer – the same clothes that I had loaded last week, then gathered up those that needed to be folded and put away – again the same clothes that I had folded and put away last week.  The cycle continued week after week.  I had come to the conclusion that this was a non-ending job.  I was sure that my family purposed to fill up the laundry basket at any rare moment that they found that it may be empty.

But I gathered up those clothes and brought them to the place where I sit to fold clothes.  As I continued folding clothes, I reflected on this continual laundry task that I faced weekly, and the drudgery of it all.  From there my mind wandered to another task, that of fixing meals.  Oh, I thought, cooking is not just a weekly task.  That one occurs over and over, over and over, over and over each day. Sometimes that one feels like a fast-running treadmill on which I can’t keep up.  Sometimes I have even thought – Mealtime again! It seems as if we just did that! They can’t be hungry again!

I’m sure most wives and moms have had those or similar thoughts at some time during their life.  But I recall when The Lord freed me from this drudgery.  Don’t misunderstand.  I still do laundry weekly and still prepare meals, just as often as before, but what he freed me from was the drudgery of it all.

What I learned was that my thinking was totally wrong!  I needed to see laundry and meals through the truth of God’s Word.  Laundry and meals in the Bible? There is nothing “spiritual” about that!  But that is exactly where I was wrong!

In a passage in 1 Timothy 6:6-8, the Scripture mentions contentment.  Then the Scripture says: And having food and raiment let us therewith be content.  What I saw through that Scripture was that food and clothing are the most basic needs that every person has.  Almost all other material things are optional, but food and clothing are necessities. Now I will agree that most Americans have far more food and clothing than needed, but nonetheless food and clothing are basic human needs.

Then, I saw my family through that truth.  The most basic physical needs that my family had was food and clothing.  And I had been given the privilege of meeting that need for them. For me, that was certainly a new way of looking at laundry and meals.

My mind went from there to the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, a woman who is familiar to us all.  I went through the Proverb, verse by verse, and was amazed at how much time this woman spent taking care of the food and clothing needs of her family.

She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. (clothing)

She is like the merchants’ ships; she brings her food from afar. (food)

She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.  (food)

She considers a field and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. (food)

She lays her hand to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. (clothing)

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.  (clothing)

She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. (clothing)

She makes fine linen, and sells it. (clothing)

She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. (food and clothing)

At that moment, I saw the virtuous woman in a whole new way.  I knew the Scriptures described her as a woman strong in The Lord, as a woman who did good to her husband, as a woman to be honored, but what I now realized was that she spent most of her time caring for her family, and very much of that time was spent on the food and clothing needs of her family.

In all of my life, I had never seen laundry and meals as part of my serving The Lord. I had certainly never seen it as a “spiritual” work. That was the day that The Lord took the drudgery out of my housework.  I realized that all of those duties were not just responsibilities or obligations to be drudged through.  They were actually a large portion of my service to The Lord.

I began to see our home as a place of refuge for us all – a place where physical, emotional, and spiritual needs would be met.  My outlook changed.  My attitude changed.  Actually, it was my heart that changed.

I still have mountains of laundry to do and thousands of meals to prepare, and I still need to be reminded.  But this is what I now know – each load of laundry and each meal that I prepare is one more opportunity to serve my Lord by loving and serving my family.

And when the drudgery tries to sneak back in, and surely it does, I ask The Lord to remind me – these are the things that a woman that is strong in The Lord does – and she will be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:31

A Willing Heart

Nov9

… She worketh willingly with her hands.

Proverbs 31:13

Isn’t it amazing the powerful impact that one word in the Scriptures can have?  As the virtuous woman is described in Proverbs 31, Scripture could have simply said that she works with her hands.  But there is a very important word inserted in this passage – and that word is willingly.  She worketh willingly with her hands.

We instantly get the picture of the virtuous woman’s heart.  The work that she does is not just an external action.  It initiates and results from a willing heart.  How different any work is when it is done willingly, rather than out of duty or obligation.  The end result may appear the same when the work is accomplished, but the journey along the way will be, oh, so very different.  The willing heart joys in the journey.  The obligated heart loses the joy.

A similar Scripture is found in 1 Peter 4:9:  Use hospitality one to another without grudging. There is to be a love and outreaching to others, seeking to serve their needs, but look at the remainder of the verse – without grudging.  You see, right actions could be taken to minister to others, but what was the condition of the heart?  Was this a willing service – or was it done with grudging? The Greek word for grudging is gongusmos and is described as a private complaining.  Perhaps the most private place of all that we complain is in our own heart.  It is that murmuring that we do – perhaps to others, perhaps to our own selves – that directly affects the way that we serve.

A full reading of the Proverbs 31 woman reveals no murmuring and no complaining, but rather a willing heart.  She worketh willingly with her hands.

But let’s look more closely at the word willingly.  This word is far more than just saying, “OK, I’ll do that and I won’t complain!”  The most common translation of this word is to take pleasure in; to delight in.  In fact, a full study of the word will show that Proverbs 31 is the only place that the word is translated as willingly.  It is most frequently translated as desire, delight, and pleasure.  So it is very appropriate to say that the virtuous woman desires her work, delights in her work, and takes pleasure in her work.  Isn’t that an interesting view of  her heart!

And in what kind of work was she delighting?  She was delighting in caring for her family.  She was taking pleasure in doing good to her husband.  She was delighting in looking well into the ways of her household.  She was taking pleasure in seeing that they were fed well and clothed well.  She was delighting in reaching out to those in need.  No wonder she is described as such a strong woman!  Her life is not about herself.  It is about her Lord, and it is about others.  And she delights in it!

Lord, we humbly ask that you renew our hearts, that they may be willing hearts – hearts that take pleasure in You and hearts that delight in serving You – hearts that work willingly – hearts that delight in serving our families and hearts that take pleasure in serving those in need.

 

A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

The above post was first printed in Dawning Light © 2003.

You Can Be a Crown

Oct31

Crown to Her HusbandHave you ever taken time to just meditate on a single verse of Scripture?  One morning, as I sat giving thought to a scripture, the Lord spoke so clearly to my heart.  A simple sequence of questions and answers brought my thoughts – and heart – to a very special place.

I had been studying the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, with whom we are so familiar.  I was reminded that the word virtuous meant strong. The virtuous woman is a strong woman, a woman that is strong in The Lord. But my thoughts were then taken to another verse:

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband:

but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

I have to admit that I didn’t really understand the significance of the verse.  As I prayed, I asked The Lord to help me better understand.  Then, as I continued to think on the verse these questions – and answers – flooded my mind:

What is the result of being a strong woman?  …   She becomes a crown to her husband.

What was the purpose of a crown?   …   To exalt one to a position of honor.

What was true of the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman?   …   Her husband was known in the gates.

I could see that this verse was saying that a strong wife would exalt her husband.  I knew that it takes humility to exalt another above oneself, but I could feel The Lord calling me to do exactly that.  I was to exalt my husband to the position for which The Lord had created him. As I pondered the implications of this truth, my attention was drawn to the contrasting wife.

How was the wife described who is the opposite of this virtuous wife?   …  She makes ashamed and is as rottenness in his bones.

What does it mean to make ashamed?   …  Webster’s Dictionary defines it as: bringing reproach; degrading a person in the estimation of others

Did I exalt my husband or did I degrade him?

And what happened if I degraded him?   …   I would be as rottenness in his bones.

What does rottenness do?   …   It causes slow, often unseen decay.

Where does this rottenness occur?   …   In his bones.

What is the purpose of bones to our body?   …   Unseen strength and support.

What was the woman made from?   …  From the bone of the man.

Could it be that the wife is to be strength and support to her husband as she exalts him rather than a cause of inner decay within him?

I knew that the Lord Himself is to be a man’s source of strength, but I could also recall that The Lord made the wife especially as a help for him.

I could see that by my actions and by my words, I would either exalt and honor my husband or I would inwardly destroy him.  By what I said to him and about him, I would either build him up or tear him down.

Then I remembered that virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.  The heart of her husband had confidence in her because she did him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.

I thought some more.  I actually could be a crown to my husband.  I knew I would need the Lord’s help.  But somewhere in my heart, I simply heard:  You can be a crown!

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband:  but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.          Proverbs 12:4

Her Husband’s Heart

Oct25

image

What do you suppose you would find if you looked inside your husband’s heart – not in his physical heart, but in his spiritual heart?  You may immediately think of numerous answers to that question – some of those things perhaps very good and other things perhaps not so good.  But the matter of consideration for the wife is what is in her husband’s heart concerning her.

You may think that it is impossible to know what is in someone’s heart – but not so!  The Scriptures teach that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matthew 12:34).  It is by listening – truly listening – to what our husbands say that we can actually know what is in their hearts.

The Proverbs 31 wife is a wonderful example to all Christian wives:  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  What kind of trust does this husband have for his wife?  And what is it that causes this type of trust to develop?

Understanding the meaning of the phrase safely trust will prove helpful.  This phrase is actually one word in the Hebrew, but was translated as two words in English to emphasize the level of trust that this husband feels toward his wife.

Safely trusts means:  to attach oneself to; to be confident in; to be secure in.  The basic meaning is:  to rely upon.  This Proverbs 31 wife is indeed trustworthy.

It is important to note that this level of trust does not happen instantaneously.  It is a firm, solid trust that develops over time, as the wife has proved constant in her attitudes and actions toward the husband.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:12).  She is there faithfully being a help meet for her husband (Genesis 2:18).  It is through this constant companionship and support that a deep level of trust develops day by day by day.  No matter what the husband may have to face in the world or who may prove untrustworthy in his day-to-day interactions, the wife is there by his side, though often unseen, giving silent support.  And the husband knows that he can trust in her.  He knows that he can rely upon her.  He knows that he can count on her.

What of the husband who lacks this type of trust in his wife?  Though the reasons are varied, perhaps the most common reason is that there is no consistency in her relationship to her husband.  The husband may not know from day to day, or even from minute to minute, what his wife’s attitudes or actions may be.  As he comes home from work, he is never sure of what will greet him upon his arrival.  Because of the uncertainty, he lacks a confident reliance upon her.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  Did you know that it is impossible to change someone’s heart?  But for the wife who desires to build a deeper level of trust in her husband’s heart, there is a sure way.  The Word of God gives clear instruction for the Christian wife, and as the wife walks more and more consistently in the truths of the Word of God, an amazing thing happens.  Safe trust in her grows in her husband’s heart.  And even more amazingly, as the husband sees Who it is that gives her such stability, he will often realize just how trustworthy her Lord is!

What are those truths given directly to the Christian wife?  She is to love her husband (Titus 2:4), she is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33), and she is to subject herself unto her husband (Ephesians 5:24).  Without fail, these truths, as they are lived out in the wife’s life by the power of the Spirit of God, will foster an incredible trust in the heart of a husband.  God is faithful, and He works through His Word!

Does your husband’s heart safely trust in you?  Can he count on you for companionship?  Can he trust that you will be a help to him?  Does he know that each and every day you will do him good and not evil?  Does he know that you are his greatest supporter?  Can he consistently sense your respect for him in the things that you do for him and in the things that you say to and about him?  Does he know that you will follow his leadership?  Is he sure, without a doubt, that you will care for his needs – preparing food and clothing for him?  Is he certain that you will faithfully care for the children?  Does he know that you are thankful for the home that he has provided and that you will keep it carefully?   Can he trust that when he reaches out to you for intimacy that you will respond positively to his need? Can he rely upon you to spend money wisely?  The questions are many.  Take them before the Lord in prayer.  Allow Him to bring to your remembrance the truth of His Word, along with comments that your husband has made.  Allow Him to show your husband’s heart to you  by the things that he has said.  Then listen carefully as the Spirit of God applies truth to your life.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  Why?  Because she does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

May it be said of you, as of Ruth of old:

For all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.
Ruth 3:11

The above article was first printed in Dawning Light © 2004.