About My Father’s Business

Nov10

imageDid you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?

Luke 2:49

 In Luke 2:41-52, Scripture reveals an account of Jesus’ life here on earth when, at the age of twelve, he stayed behind in Jerusalem at the time of the feast of the Passover.  When His parents discovered that He was not among those traveling with them, they returned, fervently searching for their missing son.  Days later, they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, hearing them and asking them questions.  All were amazed at the understanding and answers of this twelve-year-old boy.  Upon finding Him, His mother questioned Him as to why He had stayed behind and caused them such concern.  In His reply came this piercing question: Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?  It seemed that there should have been an expectation that this was what His life would be about.

What is it that your life is about? Are you a Christian?  Is your life about bringing glory to the Father?  Do you have that heart desire that says:  I must be about my Father’s business?

For your life to be about the Father’s business, there are several things which will necessarily be so.  First, you must be about His business, and not your own.  In many places in the Scriptures, Jesus said:  … The Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He seeth the Father do:  for what things soever He doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise (John 5:19), and I can of mine own self do nothing:  as I hear, I judge:  and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me (John 5:30).  Listen again to Jesus:  For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent Me, He gave Me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak (John 12:49).  Jesus was not about Himself; He was not about doing His own will.  He was not about lifting Himself up, nor about bringing glory to Himself.  He spoke what the Father spoke.  He did what the Father commanded.  He was about His Father’s business.

Secondly, to be about the Father’s business, you must not allow the expectations of others to dictate to you.  In Mark 1:35-39 and in Luke 4:42-44, as well as in other Scriptures, we find the multitudes expecting certain actions of Jesus – because He had taught them, preached to them, healed them, fed them, etc.  However, we always find Him move, not according to their expectations, but according to His Father.  It is interesting to note that in many of these instances He had come directly from that place of solitude and prayer.  No matter how they begged Him to stay, He was about His Father’s business, and it was to other cities that He went to preach.  For us to be about the Father’s business, we must know that to which He has called us.  We must not be distracted by the expectations of others.  We must humbly walk forward, determined to be about the Father’s business.

Thirdly, to be about the Father’s business, we must rightly divide the Word of truth.  We must understand the Spirit of the law, rather than just the letter of the law.  How many times in Jesus’ life on earth did the Pharisees condemn Him because they said He was walking in opposition to the law!  But no, Jesus, who was without sin, understood the Spirit of the law and walked in full obedience to that law, even in the midst of accusations and condemnation.  Examples of this are many:  the plucking of the ears of corn on the Sabbath (Mark 2:23-28), eating with unwashed hands (Mark 7), the woman caught in the act of adultery (John 8), and so on and so on.  Jesus knew, understood, and taught that all of the law was summed up in loving the Lord God and loving your neighbor (Matthew 22:34-40, Galatians 5:14).

What, then, does it take to be about the Father’s business?  Certainly, first, one must be His child.  One must have been born of God, that spiritual birth that takes place at the time of salvation, when one becomes His child.  Next, we must grow in the grace and knowledge of Him.  We must learn to hear His voice and humbly follow.  Be sure – one cannot be about the Father’s business and about her own business at the same time.  It is not possible – for the Father’s business is so much higher than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  Also be sure, if we still seek to please men, we are not the servants of Christ (Galatians 1:9).

And do you know what amazing things result from being about the Father’s business?  It is in that place where our lives bring glory to Him.  We are, then, not about ourselves.  We are about those things which are pleasing to Him.  As we do those things that He directs, we reflect Him and not ourselves.  As we say those things which He speaks, we reflect Him and not ourselves.  Interestingly enough, there is a wonderful blessing that we receive when we are in that place of the Father’s business.  It is there, and only there, where we experience peace and joy.  When we find these elements missing from our lives, in all likelihood, it is because we are not about the Father’s business.

One further thought of contemplation for the Christian woman: Do you know why God created the woman (Genesis 2:18)?  If you are married, being about the Father’s business will reflect His purpose in creating you.  Being about the Father’s business will be directly connected to your husband.  Being about the Father’s business will not be about yourself – it will be about the life that the Father has chosen for you.

May we come to that place in our lives that when we are questioned about why we are doing what we are doing, we may humbly, but confidently, reply – did you not know that I have a Heavenly Father? I must be about His business!

A Willing Heart

Nov9

… She worketh willingly with her hands.

Proverbs 31:13

Isn’t it amazing the powerful impact that one word in the Scriptures can have?  As the virtuous woman is described in Proverbs 31, Scripture could have simply said that she works with her hands.  But there is a very important word inserted in this passage – and that word is willingly.  She worketh willingly with her hands.

We instantly get the picture of the virtuous woman’s heart.  The work that she does is not just an external action.  It initiates and results from a willing heart.  How different any work is when it is done willingly, rather than out of duty or obligation.  The end result may appear the same when the work is accomplished, but the journey along the way will be, oh, so very different.  The willing heart joys in the journey.  The obligated heart loses the joy.

A similar Scripture is found in 1 Peter 4:9:  Use hospitality one to another without grudging. There is to be a love and outreaching to others, seeking to serve their needs, but look at the remainder of the verse – without grudging.  You see, right actions could be taken to minister to others, but what was the condition of the heart?  Was this a willing service – or was it done with grudging? The Greek word for grudging is gongusmos and is described as a private complaining.  Perhaps the most private place of all that we complain is in our own heart.  It is that murmuring that we do – perhaps to others, perhaps to our own selves – that directly affects the way that we serve.

A full reading of the Proverbs 31 woman reveals no murmuring and no complaining, but rather a willing heart.  She worketh willingly with her hands.

But let’s look more closely at the word willingly.  This word is far more than just saying, “OK, I’ll do that and I won’t complain!”  The most common translation of this word is to take pleasure in; to delight in.  In fact, a full study of the word will show that Proverbs 31 is the only place that the word is translated as willingly.  It is most frequently translated as desire, delight, and pleasure.  So it is very appropriate to say that the virtuous woman desires her work, delights in her work, and takes pleasure in her work.  Isn’t that an interesting view of  her heart!

And in what kind of work was she delighting?  She was delighting in caring for her family.  She was taking pleasure in doing good to her husband.  She was delighting in looking well into the ways of her household.  She was taking pleasure in seeing that they were fed well and clothed well.  She was delighting in reaching out to those in need.  No wonder she is described as such a strong woman!  Her life is not about herself.  It is about her Lord, and it is about others.  And she delights in it!

Lord, we humbly ask that you renew our hearts, that they may be willing hearts – hearts that take pleasure in You and hearts that delight in serving You – hearts that work willingly – hearts that delight in serving our families and hearts that take pleasure in serving those in need.

 

A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

The above post was first printed in Dawning Light © 2003.

Peanuts on the Porch

Nov6

imageIt was a Friday evening.  My husband had gotten home before me.  I could hear him bumping around out on the back porch.  Curious about what he was doing, I stepped to the door, and I could see him arranging things outside. Now, even more curious, I went out to where he was.  I had to smile.  Do you know what he was doing?

My husband was out on the porch preparing for a “porch date”!  I stood there admiring him for a few moments, thinking back on a multitude of memories – memories that wouldn’t really mean much to anyone else, but ones that meant so much to me.

I reflected on how our “porch dates” began. What has become a tradition for us began in the earlier years of our marriage when, quite frankly, we had no money to go on a real date. Although both of us had college degrees, my husband had chosen to start a small construction and remodeling business, and together, we had made the decision that I would homeschool our son.  These two decisions meant that both of us would leave well-paying jobs for the unknown!  By faith, we did exactly that!

The benefits for our family is a story of its own, but it was during this time, when we had so little money, that we learned how to plan simple (and cheap) family time and date time.  “Porch dates” were an unexpected outgrowth of these lessons learned.

“Porch dates” were simple.  We would set aside time, just for us, to sit on the back porch, have a simple snack, and just talk with one another.  That’s it! That’s all!  Just uninterrupted time for one another. (We didn’t even answer the phone if it rang!)  The best thing about the porch dates was how much each of us looked forward to that uninterrupted time!

But that day, as I watched him prepare the porch, pulling up the chairs and ottomans,  it became even more special.  He had taken the time to prepare one of my favorite snacks – boiled peanuts! For those of you who may never have heard of boiled peanuts, they are prepared by boiling newly harvested peanuts while they are still “green”.  This manner of serving peanuts, rather than roasting or parching, is a very “Southern” thing!

You may wonder why boiled peanuts are so special to me. I gained a love for boiled peanuts as a child.  I was raised in southeast Louisiana, and my grandparents farmed there.  When they harvested the peanuts, they would boil them, and we thought they were delicious!  My grandmother would also bag and freeze them for later.  I loved to go to my grandmother’s, mostly because she had time for us.  And a part of those memorable times included the boiled peanuts!  Interestingly enough, on some of our recent camping trips when we were able to take our grandchildren along, what do you suppose we brought?  You guessed it – boiled peanuts!  I only hope that I can create as many loving memories for my grandchildren as my grandmother did for me.

Why do I share these seemingly insignificant memories with you?  I share them to encourage you to cherish family traditions and maybe to start a few of your own.

I also encourage you to plan your own style of simple dates with your husband.  Recall something that you both enjoyed together in the past, and do it again, and again, and again!  It might just become your favorite tradition.  You know, even though, now we can afford dinner out, sometimes we prefer just to have a “porch date”, instead!

I’m thinking that this weekend I will plan our “porch date”.  David loves to sit by the fire barrel.  I think I will get chips and salsa, or maybe popcorn and lemonade, or I might get a little extravagant and make s’mores by the fire.  Who knows?  It might just turn out as special as peanuts on the porch!

Vanessa’s Story: God’s Faithfulness to the Single Woman

Nov2

Sharing Your Story, one of the components of Wisdom and Kindness, provides a place for women to anonymously share their stories.  This category was developed with the ultimate intent of emphasizing God’s faithfulness, even in the difficulties and struggles of life. Each story is true. Each story is anonymously written.  Each story is written to proclaim the hope that is found in The Lord! May The Lord bless!

Vanessa’s Story – God’s Faithfulness to the Single Woman

Being single in a world where couples are “the norm” is not very easy and can present challenges in life.  It seems that everywhere you look there are couples or pairs in some form or fashion.  There are couples sitting together in restaurants, church services, ballgames, or other events.  Then there are the challenges that continually remind you that you are doing something by yourself.  For example, there is the waitress who asks:  Table for just one?  There are hotel rate packages based on double-occupancy.  And there are actually increased rates or up-charges for a single person going on a cruise alone!  Add this to the well-meaning people who are not satisfied that you have not married yet.  It takes a cultivated strength to keep a smile on your face when you are asked many times over:  So when are you going to get married? Are you seeing anyone?  It is easy to feel left out, like the “odd-ball” or that you are swimming upstream.

But, there is the upside!  I love the freedom I have to be impulsive and make plans at the spur of a moment.  My time is my own.  There is no coordination of schedules before accepting invitations to attend various events.  There is no one with whom to compromise on what I should cook for dinner or what color the house should be painted.  There is no one to get aggravated at me if I choose not to clean the house but rather spend the day visiting friends or family.  Yes, there are definite advantages that I certainly enjoy being single.

I love good food, trying new restaurants, and traveling.  Many people would never eat at a restaurant, tour a museum, or take a vacation alone.  They would choose to stay home.  But I had determined a long time ago that I would never let my single state prevent me from doing something that I really wanted to do.  I want to live life and not miss great opportunities because I feel funny doing things by myself or because I can’t find someone to go with me.  So, with a good book in hand, I’ll eat at a restaurant and enjoy a great meal.  With a prayer for protection, I’ll visit sites, museums and open air memorials in places like Washington DC, Paris, Monterey and others!  Over time, a certain independence, strength, and confidence is built within. Not an independence from God, but a healthy independence and confidence that was given by God.

So, have I ever felt lonely, or like an “odd-ball”, or confused and pained about being single?  My answer is ABSOLUTELY.  Singleness is not something I expected or desired.  There are not many days that my single state does not come to mind.  Sometimes it is as a fleeting thought, but other times it is more than that.  Often I review my life to figure out where I went wrong.  Was it always intended for me to be single? Did the wrong decisions I made earlier in life lead me to this place?  Or does God have someone in mind for me?  Occasionally it has been a weight sitting on my chest making me feel that I am being smothered.

And then there is Satan.  My enemy has used this vulnerability to drag me into a pit of depression that I’ve stayed in for weeks at a time.  These are dark days of deep pain.  The thoughts he has spoken to my mind have been vicious, demeaning, and have ultimately caused me to question the goodness of my God.  It has brought me to the edge of resentfulness and bitterness.  It has caused me to consider quitting the Christian journey of walking in obedience to Christ.  But deep down, I have a reverential fear of taking my life into my own hands and choosing my own way.  Proverbs 14:12 says: There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.  I do not want to put myself outside the umbrella of God’s favor, blessing, and protection.  With that in mind, I reach deep and by faith alone start climbing out of the pit.  That is where God’s Word comes in.  What a precious Book!  Never has the Word of God been so real to me than when I am hurting and searching for relief.  God has been so faithful to me through His Word by healing me, nourishing me, and defending me against this enemy.  It has been my salvation and stronghold in times of discouragement, confusion, and pain.  Once I recognized the attacks of Satan in my life, I began using the weapon of the Word against Him.  James 4:7 says for us to …resist the devil and he will flee from you. Second Corinthians10:4 says: casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God.  First Peter 5:9 says: whom resist steadfast in the faith.   I used these scriptures to resist the attacks that would come upon my mind and emotions.  It worked.  The Word of God works.

So, how has God been faithful to me in practical, everyday matters?  Well, He has blessed me with a great job with which I am able to support myself very well.  Finances can be a challenge for a single woman.  From the earliest days of my career, God has opened doors of opportunity, promoted me, given me favor with my superiors, and granted me the knowledge and understanding to do a job well.   Any time I start to get bored, a new project would be assigned to me.  I have also been able to travel, meet people, and make friends in new locations.  He alone has done this – not me.  I truly marvel at His blessing to me in this area.  I tell people that God handed me this job on a silver platter.  Many women have a husband with a good job.  But in my case, God has provided me with a good job.

Many may think that you have to live a sub-standard life as a single woman, but that is not so.  God has always given me “the best”, it seems, in many facets of my life.  I love Psalm 32:19 which says: O how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee.  One of the words for “goodness” in the Hebrew language is “the best”.  The word “laid up” in this verse means “to hide, hoard, or reserve.”  What a great picture!  I can just see God reserving all of these wonderful blessings specifically for me.  An example of this is the opportunity to build a house.  Several options were considered, such as renting an apartment or buying an existing home, but things never seemed to work out.  God put it in my heart to buy land and build a house and that is what I did.  This was “the best” that God was giving me.  Although I was very intimidated taking on such a major investment on my own, I foraged ahead asking for God’s continued help and guidance throughout the whole process.  I was able to select flooring, countertops, and paint color without considering anyone else’s opinion!

I have a great family that loves me and accepts me as single.  I have wonderful friends, both single and married, with whom I can fellowship.  These friends are ones who make me feel valued for who I am at this point in time, not ones that try to “fix me” because something is “wrong” with me.  These people are a great blessing and I thank God for each one.

Lastly, and most importantly, is the opportunity to serve the true and living God.  Being single does provide the advantage of being able to spend time in the Word of God and in prayer to receive instruction, guidance, and knowledge.  He has put a hunger in me to learn more about Him.  God has been faithful to use me in His Kingdom’s work by providing me the opportunity to study and teach others.  I’ve been able to encourage others on an individual basis, counsel them, and point them to the Word of God.  I’ve been able to sow seeds in the lives of unbelievers.  To Him alone be the glory.

I realize there are many views about being single.  Some believe it is a dreaded curse and fear it.  Others wished they were single again.  Although I do not understand the why’s and wherefore’s of remaining single, my desire is to make the most of it and please Him.  Psalm 37:4 says: Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  The word “delight” actually means to be “soft” or “pliable.”  My encouragement for single women is to be soft and pliable under the hand of God.  Surrender yourself to God and ask Him to put HIS desires in your heart.  He will fulfill the desires He puts there when we surrender to Him.

You Can Be a Crown

Oct31

Crown to Her HusbandHave you ever taken time to just meditate on a single verse of Scripture?  One morning, as I sat giving thought to a scripture, the Lord spoke so clearly to my heart.  A simple sequence of questions and answers brought my thoughts – and heart – to a very special place.

I had been studying the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, with whom we are so familiar.  I was reminded that the word virtuous meant strong. The virtuous woman is a strong woman, a woman that is strong in The Lord. But my thoughts were then taken to another verse:

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband:

but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

I have to admit that I didn’t really understand the significance of the verse.  As I prayed, I asked The Lord to help me better understand.  Then, as I continued to think on the verse these questions – and answers – flooded my mind:

What is the result of being a strong woman?  …   She becomes a crown to her husband.

What was the purpose of a crown?   …   To exalt one to a position of honor.

What was true of the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman?   …   Her husband was known in the gates.

I could see that this verse was saying that a strong wife would exalt her husband.  I knew that it takes humility to exalt another above oneself, but I could feel The Lord calling me to do exactly that.  I was to exalt my husband to the position for which The Lord had created him. As I pondered the implications of this truth, my attention was drawn to the contrasting wife.

How was the wife described who is the opposite of this virtuous wife?   …  She makes ashamed and is as rottenness in his bones.

What does it mean to make ashamed?   …  Webster’s Dictionary defines it as: bringing reproach; degrading a person in the estimation of others

Did I exalt my husband or did I degrade him?

And what happened if I degraded him?   …   I would be as rottenness in his bones.

What does rottenness do?   …   It causes slow, often unseen decay.

Where does this rottenness occur?   …   In his bones.

What is the purpose of bones to our body?   …   Unseen strength and support.

What was the woman made from?   …  From the bone of the man.

Could it be that the wife is to be strength and support to her husband as she exalts him rather than a cause of inner decay within him?

I knew that the Lord Himself is to be a man’s source of strength, but I could also recall that The Lord made the wife especially as a help for him.

I could see that by my actions and by my words, I would either exalt and honor my husband or I would inwardly destroy him.  By what I said to him and about him, I would either build him up or tear him down.

Then I remembered that virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.  The heart of her husband had confidence in her because she did him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.

I thought some more.  I actually could be a crown to my husband.  I knew I would need the Lord’s help.  But somewhere in my heart, I simply heard:  You can be a crown!

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband:  but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.          Proverbs 12:4

No More Tug-o-War

Oct29

imageCan you remember playing the game tug-o-war as a child? One player would get on one end of the rope, and the other would get on the other end.  Then each would pull as hard as he could to cause the other to come over to his side.  Remember?

Unfortunately, this simple game depicts so many marriages today. But, what is God’s intent for a marriage?  Does He intend for a husband and wife to pull against one another throughout a lifetime of marriage?  Are there Biblical answers that can help us? How can we find a solution?

When I think back before my husband and I got married, I lived independently.  I taught kindergarten, had my own apartment, had my own vehicle, paid all my own bills, and lived completely independently.  I had my own schedule, my own way of doing things, my own opinions, and lived as I liked.  Although we had dates, which we thoroughly enjoyed, basically I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.  What a rude awakening when we got married!

I now had another person living in the house with me.  Subconsciously, what I expected was for him to fit into my schedule.  Although I loved being married, I wanted him to adapt to my life and my schedule.  However, it wasn’t long before a problem became evident.  My precious husband had his own lifestyle, schedule, opinions, and way of doing things.  That is when the tug-o-war began.

My husband tried to pull me his way, and I tried to pull him mine.  The tug-o-war continued for years.  I wanted him to be like me.  I pulled; he pulled.  I pulled; he pulled.  I whined, and he got angry.  Neither of us really made much progress, and many conflicts arose.  Would we forever live in this tug-o-war?

It was The Lord who turned our marriage around.  Although many truths of God’s Word worked together to change my heart, and thus, my life, one of the truly beneficial truths that I learned was that of becoming “one flesh” with my husband.

These were the verses that The Lord used to totally change our marriage:

And the rib, which The Lord God had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her to the man.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh:  she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:  and they shall be one flesh.   Genesis 2:22-24

Jesus answered and said unto them,  Have ye not read, that He which made them in the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife:  and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.     Matthew 19:4-6

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And the twain shall be one flesh, so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.   Mark 10:6-8

I discovered that God created the man and woman to live as one flesh.  When the man and the woman married, God Himself did an unseen work.  It was God Who joined them together as one.  In Jesus’ teachings, He explicitly declared that God’s plan from the beginning had never changed, and for the married couple, they were no longer two, but they were now one!  They were one because God had joined them as one!  Oh my, how clearly I saw my dilemma. My husband and I were still living as two.  Obviously, we wanted to live as one.  I wanted him to live as I lived.  He wanted me to live as he lived. And the only thing that was produced was a tug-o-war.

Then came the difficult truth to understand and grasp. In the teaching on headship in Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul referred to the same truth as he quoted Genesis 2:

For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.    Ephesians 5:30-32

He explained that this was a great mystery, which really means that it is a hidden truth that is only revealed by God.  What Paul showed us was that the woman was created from the man’s rib, as bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.  He further expounded on this mystery as he compared the man and his wife to Christ and the church.  The church is called members of his body, flesh of his flesh and bone of His bones.

Oh no, I was beginning to see that Christ is the head of the church, and we are as members of His body, one flesh with Him!  What did that mean for me?  That meant that as the wife, my husband was the head, and I was a part of his body!  Yes, this is a great mystery!  When God was creating the man and the woman, He had been creating a picture of Christ and the church, a marvelous mystery to be revealed thousands of years later.  Likewise, a husband and wife can now look at the relationship of Christ and the church as a picture of how, together, their marriage can reflect Christ to the world.  This is a great mystery, indeed!

But what did this “theological” mystery mean in my simple life?  It meant that my husband is my head, and I am a member of him.  Yes, we were to be one flesh, but it was me who was to be one flesh with him.  Make no mistake, God gives the perfect balance to this truth, but I learned that day to stop trying to pull my husband over to my ways. I saw that I needed to move over to his side.  I needed to start pulling with him, and not against him.

I now saw that if I stopped pulling against him, there would no longer be a tug-o-war.  Very quietly and very gently, without saying one word to my husband, I laid down the rope.  No more tug-o-war.  No longer two, but one flesh.  Thank you, Lord, for one flesh!

Her Husband’s Heart

Oct25

image

What do you suppose you would find if you looked inside your husband’s heart – not in his physical heart, but in his spiritual heart?  You may immediately think of numerous answers to that question – some of those things perhaps very good and other things perhaps not so good.  But the matter of consideration for the wife is what is in her husband’s heart concerning her.

You may think that it is impossible to know what is in someone’s heart – but not so!  The Scriptures teach that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matthew 12:34).  It is by listening – truly listening – to what our husbands say that we can actually know what is in their hearts.

The Proverbs 31 wife is a wonderful example to all Christian wives:  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  What kind of trust does this husband have for his wife?  And what is it that causes this type of trust to develop?

Understanding the meaning of the phrase safely trust will prove helpful.  This phrase is actually one word in the Hebrew, but was translated as two words in English to emphasize the level of trust that this husband feels toward his wife.

Safely trusts means:  to attach oneself to; to be confident in; to be secure in.  The basic meaning is:  to rely upon.  This Proverbs 31 wife is indeed trustworthy.

It is important to note that this level of trust does not happen instantaneously.  It is a firm, solid trust that develops over time, as the wife has proved constant in her attitudes and actions toward the husband.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:12).  She is there faithfully being a help meet for her husband (Genesis 2:18).  It is through this constant companionship and support that a deep level of trust develops day by day by day.  No matter what the husband may have to face in the world or who may prove untrustworthy in his day-to-day interactions, the wife is there by his side, though often unseen, giving silent support.  And the husband knows that he can trust in her.  He knows that he can rely upon her.  He knows that he can count on her.

What of the husband who lacks this type of trust in his wife?  Though the reasons are varied, perhaps the most common reason is that there is no consistency in her relationship to her husband.  The husband may not know from day to day, or even from minute to minute, what his wife’s attitudes or actions may be.  As he comes home from work, he is never sure of what will greet him upon his arrival.  Because of the uncertainty, he lacks a confident reliance upon her.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  Did you know that it is impossible to change someone’s heart?  But for the wife who desires to build a deeper level of trust in her husband’s heart, there is a sure way.  The Word of God gives clear instruction for the Christian wife, and as the wife walks more and more consistently in the truths of the Word of God, an amazing thing happens.  Safe trust in her grows in her husband’s heart.  And even more amazingly, as the husband sees Who it is that gives her such stability, he will often realize just how trustworthy her Lord is!

What are those truths given directly to the Christian wife?  She is to love her husband (Titus 2:4), she is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33), and she is to subject herself unto her husband (Ephesians 5:24).  Without fail, these truths, as they are lived out in the wife’s life by the power of the Spirit of God, will foster an incredible trust in the heart of a husband.  God is faithful, and He works through His Word!

Does your husband’s heart safely trust in you?  Can he count on you for companionship?  Can he trust that you will be a help to him?  Does he know that each and every day you will do him good and not evil?  Does he know that you are his greatest supporter?  Can he consistently sense your respect for him in the things that you do for him and in the things that you say to and about him?  Does he know that you will follow his leadership?  Is he sure, without a doubt, that you will care for his needs – preparing food and clothing for him?  Is he certain that you will faithfully care for the children?  Does he know that you are thankful for the home that he has provided and that you will keep it carefully?   Can he trust that when he reaches out to you for intimacy that you will respond positively to his need? Can he rely upon you to spend money wisely?  The questions are many.  Take them before the Lord in prayer.  Allow Him to bring to your remembrance the truth of His Word, along with comments that your husband has made.  Allow Him to show your husband’s heart to you  by the things that he has said.  Then listen carefully as the Spirit of God applies truth to your life.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  Why?  Because she does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

May it be said of you, as of Ruth of old:

For all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.
Ruth 3:11

The above article was first printed in Dawning Light © 2004.

Julianna’s Story: From Resentment to Respect

Oct24

Sharing Your Story, one of the components of Wisdom and Kindness, provides a place for women to anonymously share their stories.  This category was developed with the ultimate intent of emphasizing God’s faithfulness, even in the difficulties and struggles of life. Each story is true. Each story is anonymously written.  Each story is written to proclaim the hope that is found in The Lord! May The Lord bless!

Julianna’s Story – From Resentment to Respect

How gracious our Lord is!  How wonderfully forgiving He is!  And how marvelously He grows us as He changes us into His image from glory to glory by the Spirit of the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).  How many of our ways are so far from His ways!  How many of our thoughts are earthly, fleshly, and worldly!  Yet, in His grace and mercy He conforms us to the image of His Son!  How does one explain this process?  There are not adequate words to describe what the Lord can do in the heart of His children through the truth of His Word.  However, I would like to make a feeble attempt to share a marvelous work that the Lord has done in my heart through the years.  May the Lord use these words to His glory.

Where does this story begin?  … And the wife see that she reverence her husband  (Ephesians 5:33).  A foundational truth for a marriage, as God intends, is found in this one phrase of Scripture – and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  One of a wife’s primary goals is to see that she respects her husband.  This truth I now know somewhat after many years of marriage, but as I look back through my life I see how amazingly the Lord Himself has brought me to this place.  I also sincerely regret how far short I fell from marriage as God intended and how many years that it seemed that I wasted in resentment toward my husband.

As the Lord began to do this work in my heart, He first brought me face to face with this truth:  God calls a woman to respect her husband.  I do not know why this surprises us so much.  God calls children to honor their parents and calls all Christians to respect governmental authorities that are over them.  Why does it seem like such a different command for the wife to respect her husband?  And if God indeed created the woman to be a help and companion for the husband, how necessary respect would be for her to walk in that calling.  In my life, the problem came because I resented so many things that my husband did, and I resented so many of his ways.  In all honesty, from the heart, I guess that I did not think that he was worthy of respect. However, as the Lord brought me to the truth of His Word, I found that we are to respect each and every individual because they are created in the image of God.  Why did God forbid taking another’s life and require the punishment of those who did so?  It was because they were made in the image of God (Genesis 9:6).  Why are we not to speak evil of others and curse men?  It is because they are made in the similitude of God (James 3:9).  So for me, the beginning place of this walk with the Lord was that I must respect my husband as much as I would respect any human being – simply because he was made by God and in the image of God.  In the depth of that truth, as God worked it into my heart, I began to treat my husband differently – much more kindly – as I would treat any other.

The second great step that God enabled me to take came as He began to reveal the importance of understanding headship.  It was God who had created the husband to be the head of the wife (Ephesians 5:23).  The man had not elevated himself to this position.  God Himself had ordained the husband as the head as He created the man (1 Timothy 2:12-13).  Understanding this truth humbled my heart to areas of resistance that had been built up.  I could respect my husband for the position that God had given him, in spite of the fact that he did not do things as I thought they should be done.  Much as a child is required to honor a parent because God has so commanded – not because they are perfect parents – but because it is right, I was to respect my husband.  And much as we are required to honor and pray for those in authority over us – not because they are perfect leaders – but because it is right to honor their position, I was to honor and respect my husband for his God-­given position as my husband!  And an amazing thing happened as I began to walk in respect.  Much contention was removed from our home, and my husband began to relate differently to me! The change was not an overnight change, but in time, God did wonderful things in our marriage! How God blesses His truth!

As God continued to work in my heart through the years, another astounding thing happened.  God did remove some sinful ways from my husband’s life, but the more amazing thing that happened was that God totally changed my view of my husband.  Some of the day-to-day things that I resented the most, I actually began to admire.  Why was this so?  It happened as the Lord changed my heart, and I began to view my husband in a completely different way.  Things that I had always seen as negative things now became positive things in our relationship.  Qualities that I had always regarded as weaknesses, I now saw as strengths.  As unbelievable as this may sound, that is exactly what happened.

If I would have described my husband in the early years of our marriage, I would have described him as an unemotional and unsentimental, domineering workaholic.  The implications of all of those qualities are endless.  But now, after so many years of marriage and years of growing in the grace of the Lord, my description of my husband would be dramatically different.  The unemotional, unsentimental husband that I had has become my greatest stability, next to the Lord.  He is not swayed, tossed, and turned by emotion.  He does not respond emotionally to situations as I may be prone.  He is steadfast and strong, and I have come to rely upon him through many difficulties that have come our way.  Because emotion and sentiment do not rule his life, he has been the perfect husband for me time and time again.  What I had always wanted to change, I now rely upon, trust in, and am thankful for.  What I had always seen as a weakness in him is most assuredly a strength!

As for the domineering side of him, how I resisted him!  How often I thought:  Do you always have to be so bossy?  But again, after all of these years, how differently I view him.  How many women complain because their husbands will not lead!  I need never worry because my husband always steps easily into leadership.  The problem is never with his leading.  The problem is always with my following.  What I resisted and resented I now value.  It is easy to come to him with questions about decisions that I must make.  I trust his leadership – into which God has grown him.  Again, I must say that he has been the perfect husband for me.  What I had always wanted to change, I now rely upon, trust in, and am thankful for.  What I had always seen as a weakness in him is most assuredly a strength!

And finally, as for the workaholic to which I felt that I was married, what an entirely different perspective I have been given.  As we age together, I still see his drive toward work-related matters.  This tendency, however, does not stop his job.  He cares for duties around our home very effectively and efficiently.  Once again, I see that I never have to concern myself with repairs and upkeep responsibilities of our home, automobiles, etc.  The work ethic that he possesses is truly a blessing.  He consistently works to provide for our family, and consistently cares for the things with which God has blessed us.  This same work ethic blesses others whose paths we cross.  How many times I have seen him be a blessing to widows, children, the church, and more!  Again, what I had always wanted to change, I now rely upon, trust in, and am thankful for.  What I had always seen as a weakness is most assuredly a strength!

Yes, God did soften those qualities in my husband to make them strengths, but much more dramatically, He softened my heart as He gave me a new view of my husband.  I suppose that the most humbling thing that occurred was when I realized that the qualities that I had resisted and resented the most were the qualities that were contrary to my flesh!  Why did I resent his unemotional and unsentimental nature?  Because I was emotional and sentimental!  Why did I resent and resist his domineering way?  Because I wanted to remain independently selfish!  Why did I resent and resist his work ethic?  Because, by nature, I was plagued with procrastination and laziness!  Can you see how what I viewed as weaknesses in him actually conflicted with my own weaknesses?  Once again, I saw much more completely – the problem always arises in our own human heart!  And it was that heart that the Lord had to change!  And marvelously change it, He did!

I would like to say in closing that your husband will probably not match the description of mine.  God creates each individual uniquely.  However, your husband will possess qualities that you, in your flesh, will disrespect.  Ask the Lord to show you how He intends for that very weakness to be a strength.  Ask the Lord to reveal how your own weaknesses conflict with what you deem as weaknesses in your husband.  Ask the Lord to give you a heart to be obedient to His Word, no matter the circumstances of your life.  And ask the Lord to change your heart from a heart of resentment to a heart of respect.  You will forever be glad that you did!

The above anonymous testimony was first printed in Dawning Light © 2004.  I, again, extend my thanks to ladies willing to share their story to the glory of God.

In Every Thing

Oct23

As the church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be

to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:24

When we let our reverence for The Lord Jesus Christ be our example and pattern for respect and submission to our own husband, our marriage will, in turn, be an example and pattern to the world.

And we will bring glory to our Lord!

Submission: And the Dinosaur Called Headship

Oct22

I hope that this title does not offend you.  I thought for some time about what to name this post, and dinosaur continually came to mind.  For years, I taught kindergarten, and one of the characteristics that I love about young children is the way that they make up their own definitions to explain what is in their little minds.

So in kindergarten style, here is my own definition.  Dinosaur: something that lived long ago, but is now extinct.  That was my perception of headship.

When I began on my journey into submission, I came face to face with the concept of headship.  What was this headship thing all about? It honestly seemed like a foreign language to me.  I didn’t understand it, and I couldn’t decipher it at all.  But something inside of me pressed me to understand.  What was it that drove me to understand?

What I had found as I studied submission was that submission and headship were inseparably linked.  Why do I say that?  It is because in Ephesians 5:22-23 the Scripture says:  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife.  What the Scripture was saying is that we are to submit to our own husband because he is the head. If I was supposed to submit to my husband because he is my head, then I knew I had to understand this truth.

The first thing that I did was to look at marriages of those around me.  I watched all the marriages that I could – young and old. I couldn’t observe anything that looked like headship to me. Where else could I look, I wondered?

I knew there was a parallel drawn in the Scriptures between Christ and the church and the husband and the wife, so I decided to look at churches and see how they were subject to Christ as their head.  Then maybe I would understand a little better. Was it just me, or was I missing something?  It didn’t seem that many of the churches that I was familiar with exemplified headship and submission.

Then, I went to the place that I should have gone in the first place.  I bowed my heart in prayer and asked the Lord to help me understand His Word.  Lord, I can’t see this truth in our culture and society.  I can’t see this truth in the marriages surrounding me.  And I can’t even see this truth in the churches that I know. Help me, Lord.  It is Your Word.  The command that You give me is to submit, and the reason that You give is that my husband is my head.  Please help me understand, straight from Your Word.

I got my Bible and my concordance and began to study.  The questions before me were: What Scriptures shed light on the relationship between Christ and the church regarding headship? And how is that relationship an example for me? 

I read and studied for some while, but quite honestly, I was not prepared for the answer that I found.  There were two specific verses that impacted me in a way that words cannot describe.  My eyes were opened. I saw truths that I had never seen.  How I was humbled!  I had missed these truths for all of my married life. What I learned that day was:  And He is the head of the body, the church: the beginning, the first born from the dead; that in all things He might have the preeminence. Colossians 1:18

For Christ and the church, headship meant that Christ was to have preeminence. Applying this truth to the husband as the head, I could see that the husband was to have preeminence.  Preeminence means: first place.

Yikes! I thought. First place?  That meant that David was to have first place. I had to stop and take a deep breath.  I didn’t think that David had really ever had first place.  In the early years of my marriage, I was pretty sure that my own self had been in first place.  After our son was born, I knew that he had been in first place.  Lord, this is going to take a lot of work.  I couldn’t get away from the connection.  To the church, the headship of Christ meant that He was to be preeminent.  In the marriage, headship meant that David was to have first place.  Now maybe you can understand why I called headship a dinosaur.  Surely, this truth no longer exists today.

But this Scripture was not the only one that jolted me.  Here came the second one: And you are complete in Him, which is the head … Colossians 2:10.   What was the relationship?  The church was complete in the Head.  And, therefore, in a marriage the wife is complete in her husband (her head).  Yikes, again!!  Surely, this cannot be so!  Today, a wife finds completion in anything and everything besides her husband.  I fully understand that a woman can only find spiritual completion in The Lord Himself, but in the physical life that a wife lives, it is in being a wife to her own husband where she will find fulfillment.  Without a doubt, this truth, too, is surely extinct. Yes, certainly, headship is a dinosaur!

One more truth staggered me.  In Biblical circles, I had heard that the husband is the head of the home, and I do not disagree.  The man is the father, and he is the husband, therefore, he is the head of the home.  But look very closely at the Scriptures: For the husband is the head of the wife!!!!  Wait! Wait! Wait!  I could see that our son needed his dad to be the head.  And I wanted David to lead, to take care of problems, to make sure that we had adequate income, etc., but the Scriptures clearly said that he is the head of the wife. Now, that is going a little too far!  But if we understand the church as the bride of Christ, then indeed, He is the head of the wife!  My thoughts were reeling!  Maybe this is the way that things were in days gone by, but we are liberated now, right?  The head of me?  Dinosaur again.  Never to return, I’m sure!

But then there came some type of freedom, to which I return often, because it truly “liberated” me.  It was here, in this passage on headship in Ephesians 5 and in the headship passage in 1 Corinthians 11, that I realized that both passages return to the creation account in Genesis BEFORE the fall. As the Apostle Paul expounds the truth of headship, he returns to God’s perfect creation!  Again, I say that God’s ways are so much higher than our ways that we can never understand nor attain to them, but by His marvelous grace.

May I fast forward a few years? I began with baby steps to walk in these truths that The Lord had taught me.  Arranging my life around David, attempting to put him in first place, serving alongside of him as a help and companion, I found a fulfillment such as I had never known!  It was truth.  It was truth, indeed!  Make no mistake, I fail and falter regularly.  I get distracted with many “good” things outside of my home, but I have never found a greater satisfaction than when I walk in the truths of headship and submission.  It is there where I find rest, peace, contentment, and fulfillment.

And guess what else I discovered?  Though they are few, there are some other Christian women who seek to put their husbands in first place, submit themselves to their own husbands, and willingly serve as a help meet for them.

I have decided that headship is not a dinosaur after all.  I will agree that it is probably on the Endangered Species list, but no, it is not extinct!  Truth is still alive!  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever!